rashundatramble.com

I’m having a creativity crisis. It’s more than a creative block. A block is a wall, something that is merely in front of you. If you step back and gather enough speed, you can probably break through or jump over it. Nah. This is a crisis that’s surrounding me.

Funny. It just dawned on me that “crisis” sounds like the German word for circle, kreis.

For a whole bunch of reasons, that creative spark that usually makes me pull something spectacular (at least to me) out of thin air isn’t there anymore. It hasn’t been there for a while.

My main problem is that I lack being part of some type of creative collaboration; a physical, face-to-face one. I miss having a group of misfits to talk about short-story writing, poetry (including my own), books, audio-visual-new media ideas or wacky political/social/artistic concepts with….without my self-consciousness (is that a freaking word?) getting in the way.

I really miss bouncing ideas off of people, exchanging ideas, shoot, even having emotional arguments about ideas. I miss brainstorming…passionate brainstorming about making a difference, embarking on something out of the norm. Doing things as such gives me that spark. Going to museums and exhibits do the same. Quite a few times I’ve left Kunsthaus Zurich or the Fotomuseum Winterthur ready to take on the world. I come home, load up my camera or get out my journal and take my position on the starting block…

…and then life gets in the way.

…and then I tell myself that it’s too late and I need to grow up.

…and then I realize that I’ve just put another nail in my creative coffin.

I’m trying to dig myself out of this rut. The holiday season is probably the worst time to do it though, but oh well oh hell. I recently purchased two things that may help.

The first is The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity [10th Anniversary Edition]. When I flipped through it, I said to myself, “Oh great, another new age, fluffy, self-help book.” But when I started reading and got to page seven, the author, Julia Cameron, stopped me dead in my tracks: “How do you know if you are creatively blocked? Jealousy is an excellent clue. Are there artists whom you resent?”

Uh, yeah. I’ve left the Kunsthaus and the Fotomuseum in fits of rage more than once.

“Do you tell yourself, ‘I could do that if only…’”

…if only I was rich, or I saved up enough money, or was as educated as the rest of the folks around me, or was in a creative collective, or, or, or… Creativity and art seem to be the realm of the educated and monied.

Then she pulled out the clincher:

“Do you tell yourself that if only you took your creative potential seriously, you might:

• Stop telling yourself, ‘It’s too late.’
• Stop waiting until you make enough money to do something you’d really love.
• Stop telling yourself, ‘It’s just my ego’ whenever you yearn for a more creative life.
• Stop telling yourself that dreams don’t matter, that they are only dreams and that you should be more sensible.
• Stop fearing that your family and friends would think you crazy. (From Rash: There’s no would about it. They do.:-))
• Stop telling yourself that creativity is a luxury and that you should be grateful for what you’ve got.”

I haven’t been able to move from page seven. Not because I’m blocked, but because it’s been a while since anyone called me on something like this. I glanced at the next chapter, “The Basic Tools” and peeked at the Morning Pages exercises, but I’m not sure if I’m ready for that yet.

Another purchase to help be break out of this circle was The Sakki-Sakki Tarot by Monicka Clio Sakki. I have about 40 some-odd decks in my collection. This is the one I’ve wound up carrying with me all the time (I bought the deck, book and pocket from her beautiful, colorful site. Please visit it.). There is something about Monicka’s deck, with its wacky characters and pure de happiness, that doesn’t just spark creativity, it lights a Roman candle. I usually pull one card each day in the morning (or at night for the upcoming day), read Monicka’s explanation of it in her book, and try to apply it to my creative “innerds” during the day. By the way, her latest project is fab.

Will these help? I’m not sure. But, my creative self is hidden down way deep inside some tough, dense rock (Alps anyone?). I can’t get to it with just my bare hands.

Well, I’m off to work on my quilt.

Update: And to see if any of my essential oil/absolute/concrete stock has gone bad. The citruses are probably gone.

Sakki-Sakki deck box image from Monicka’s site.