I had my 3-month probationary meeting lunch chat with my boss today. Yes, I get to keep my job.
By the way, I usually refrain from blogging about my job because a few folks there read it.
Maybe she flatters herself too much?
Okay, I *think* they read my blog. Anyway, during the chat, we talked about a whole bunch of things, including my Mensa membership.
I don’t put that much credence into Mensa. Hell, I don’t even go on the Mensa Switzerland forum. It seems like there are a whole bunch of folks there trying to out-Mensan each other. Not my game.
I should warn you, I’m writing this post after two glasses of wine, so things are a tad bit hazy.
Anyway, getting back to the Mensa chat, my boss commented on the fact that I was holding back. I don’t tout my brainpower. I don’t toot my own horn.
He’s right. I don’t.
He asked, “What are you afraid of?”
I blamed it on being in Switzerland, which is 99.9 per cent true (I’ll save that for another post). I’ve been thinking about this all day.
The leftover .1 per cent is due to Mrs. Porter.
Who is Mrs. Porter? Mrs. Porter was my 4th grade computer teacher. At least I think she was. I can’t really remember what the hell grade that battle axe graced my life in. I blocked it out.
Getting back to the story, during my elementary and junior high school years, I was touted as sort of a “brain” by my teachers. They put me on a pedestal. Bragged about me. Placed bets on my PSAT scores. Okay…I’m kidding about the last one.
But, each year, each teacher I was assigned to seemed to have this aura of fervent anticipation about me. They were foaming at the mouth and stuff almost.
Here’s this child I’ve been hearing about. I wonder if she’s all that?
So, for a brief moment in elementary school, I thought I was all that.
Until Mrs. Porter.
Mrs. Porter was known as being a mean “female dog”. She was hard on students and seemed to enjoy it.
I may be wrong, but I believe Mrs. Porter was assigned to teach us BASIC on these old school Radio Shack and Apple II computers. Now, if you know me, you know I’m neither mathematically nor computer language inclined. I can fight my way through PHP, but that’s about it.
I struggle to add the tab at a restaurant.
Well, after drilling us in BASIC, Mrs. Porter gave us a test. I believe all of the other students scored well.
I got a C.
My world crashed.
Not only did my world crash, Mrs. Porter gave it an extra kick down by doing the following: She called out the names of each student and said their grade.
Out loud.
When she got to me, she said my name, my grade, and then she said:
“Hmph. All of these folks were telling me how smart you are. Hell, you’re just as dumb as everybody else.”
Yes, she cursed in class.
Everyone turned, pointed, and laughed. Now, top that with being one of the ugliest things in school. You can guess the effect it had.
Not only was I “Zippy the Chimp” as some kids called me, Now I was “Dumbass Zippy the Chimp”.
So, what am I afraid of? Of success? Maybe. Of “making it”? Perhaps.
Or maybe I’m afraid of being found out? I think a lot of folks who have been labeled “gifted” (and remember “gift” in German means “poison”) in their childhood up to high school years have this issue. They are put on a pedestal. Expectations are raised, not by them, but by those around them. When they don’t live up to these expectations, all of a sudden they’re persona non grata.
But that was then, this is now.
So, anyone got a horn I can borrow?
Comments (13)
Rashunda, that story makes me want to cry. What a angry, twisted, jealous, cruel, bullying butthead. That woman should have never have been a teacher.
I don’t think you’re afraid of being found out. I think you’re afraid of being attacked again if you don’t do as well as someone else thinks you should. I know, I’ve been there too.
You can buy an aerosol-can air horn at Wal-Mart. It’s for when the film breaks at the walk in theatre…
Yeah… one would have to have a keen nose as a kid to smell trouble, and some teachers were “trouble”.
But I found out that some teachers take pride in teaching their stuff so everyone has a real chance for a real good grade; those are the ones worth following as a pupil. You were such an English teacher :-)
Was Mrs Porter an old lady back then?
‘Cause if she was, she’s probably dead now. And you have been shining on 2 continents.
Kyla - The sad part is that she wasn’t that old. At the time she was probably in her mid-forties. She’s probably my mom’s age or younger now.
Do you have her address?
Oh good lord Kyla…what are you thinking of doing?:-)
One should never reveal that sort of information on the internet…
Oh Rasunda, that is horrible! you poor thing.
on the Mensa membership, why even tell folks you are a member if it’s not important to you. It is, so keep on blowing your horn.
Trula - No, it’s not *that* important to me, but it IS important to me that folks know that black women are in Mensa.
That’s why I tell people, not to toot my own horn, but to toot OUR horn.
Yeah I went through a similar thing in a gifted program and a pretty much all white school. After a while I just didn’t even care about whether they (teachers and students) thought that I deserved to be there or not.
Having to deal with my hormones and the fact that white women didn’t dig me was a more pressing concern.
Oh, my god. What’s the concept here? I for one can not believe that you were ugly as a child, having seen your picture on the site. Maybe not as cute, more baby fat… but I got hit up the side the head with a big old WTF!?! reading this just now. *Zippy the Chimp*!??! Oh jesus. But ok, I’ll calm down. I was known as “Ching Chong sing-a-long” in the white Catholic school I attended. It just proves that although humans wish to believe we are the pinnacle of evolution most of us are still primitive and fully lunk-headed.
Rashunda,
I am anxiously awaiting your post concerning living in Switzerland and “fear” ?
I would like to compare notes.
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[…] On yet another note, Denise commented in my Fear post: “Rashunda, I am anxiously awaiting your post concerning living in Switzerland and “fear” ? I would like to compare notes.” […]