Last night was the second session of my photography class. I paid the fee so I guess I’ll stick it out. The teacher was nice enough to switch to High German, even after I insisted he stick to Swiss German. I know I shouldn’t be like this, but when someone asks me in front of an entire class if they should switch to High German just for me, I feel like I’ve just de-boarded a short, yellow bus.
The frustrating thing about the class is that I understand 60 percent of what the guy is saying, I just can’t reply fast enough (at least in my opinion). It takes an extremely long time for me to form German sentences and folks here just don’t have the time or patience to wait for me to get my Nebensatzen in order. I actually teared up just a tad last night because I knew the answer to a question but couldn’t say it in German.
We have a photo excursion Thursday night. I’ll try to make it.
I’m having a lack-of-confidence issue concerning my foreign language abilities right now. It happens each time I do a full-immersion exercise like the photo class. Each time I try to speak German, I want to hold up a sign that reads, “This woman may sound like an idiot but she’s not. Actually, she has a degree and two Associated Press awards.”
Or maybe get t-shirts printed.
I think something that a student of mine said a while back has seared itself into my brain and I can’t get it out. For the first session of my classes, I ask students to explain why they want to learn English, etc. During one session, a student said that she wanted to learn proper English so she wouldn’t sound dumb to native English speakers. When I told her she should cut herself some slack, she said, “Well, when foreigners can’t speak proper German, they just don’t sound intelligent.”
I stared at her, giving her at least 3 seconds to save herself, but she didn’t take the chance. I replied, “Remind me to never speak German around you.”
I now understand my grandfather’s heart-wrenching frustration when his vocal cords were taken out. He cried a lot after the operation because he couldn’t communicate with anyone. He finally learned to talk in a loud whisper, but it was still a struggle for him until he died.
I spent the first 30 years of my life taking the ability to communicate with people around me and the ability to exchange ideas in a common language for granted.
I feel as if there’s a big piece of tape on my mouth. Each time I try to pull it off, there’s pain.
In Switzerland, no one can hear you scream.
Comments (7)
Rashunda, I am sorry you are having such a difficult time with your photography class. However, keep yourself open to the opportunity of what you want to learn and “don’t sweat the small stuff”. Communication is a subject issue of life. As you know I am American - speaking American English and yet, I live in Britain and for the first two years no one could understand what the hell I was saying. I felt a level of defeat-ism that I had never felt before… but life goes on. Good luck with your class.
Dear E!. Are you sure you were in Britain..? That funny ole European continent’s gone got itself all divided up into folks speaking different languages.
While you’re suffering through this lack-of-confidence moment, take time out to remember that you’re being really courageous and that most other expats wouldn’t even dream of taking on a photography class that’s being conducted in German.
Cripes, I’m definitely feeling your pain. I like to think of myself as a very intelligent man, but sometimes things as little as going to the local Chinese market make me feel like I should be wearing a helmet and have my mittens clipped to my jacket. One (of the very few, I’m sure) compliments I will give to the Chinese is that they are infinitely more helpful than most Europeans and Russians I’ve encountered when you try to stammer in their language. Both in Russia and in Greece (where I actually speak the language, albeit a “village” version) I got so many condescending and “you’re a colossal dunce” looks I wanted to crawl under a rock on a daily basis. I don’t plan on going home anytime soon tho…can’t beat my stubbornness :)
Kudos to you for taking this class! Please be kind to yourself, even if others aren’t. In 6 months or a year, you’ll be ready to take on (almost) anybody. Your actions prove you are committed to progress. Good luck!
hey rashunda, don’t cry now. it must be ridiculously difficult to try to learn a language and have everyone around you speaking a “swedish chef” version of it. it’s really peace corps-esque or twilight zone or something. i think it’s a really good idea to take a class about something you are passionate about in German. in regular classes, sometimes you just know you will never use that vocabulary. for me, i decided i’m just not interested in taking another German class. i’m taking japanese - albeit in German - but it’s lots of fun. hope you start enjoying photo class! the only reason i can think of someone saying something ridiculous about foreigners sounding stupid is that they haven’t spent much time learning a language. boo on them… yay for you.
Everyone - Thanks. I’m feeling better about it. I now understand about 70%.:-)
Sattva - “Swedish Chef”!!! Bwaaaahhhhh!