Dear Madam, Dear Sir,
I, Rashunda Tramble, being of sound mind and a great body, hereby declare this my “Living Will”.
I. I try at all times to carry myself in a dignified manner. Therefore if I’m ever diagnosed by no fewer than two medical professionals (not including the hub) as to being in a permanent vegetative state, coma or declared brain dead, please cease and desist all treatment to prolong my life.
II. Not only should you cease and desist all treatment, you should pull the plug.
III. Not only should you pull the plug, you should yank that b!tch out the wall so fast that Speedy Gonzales would be pleased.
IV. I do not want someone wiping sh!t from the crack of my ass for the rest of my life while I gurgle spit from the corner of my mouth. That’s not dignified.
V. I do not want to become a “cause celebre” for a pack of rabid right-wing zealots who choose to fight for one person who is basically dead rather than fight for the thousands of Americans without proper health care who are alive.
VI. Also, please watch out for a pleasingly plump woman of African descent with a blond crew cut, most likely wearing some form of a leopard print muu-muu, attempting to prolong my life by sprinkling me with various mixtures of herbs, oils, or other earthly matter as I lie in my next-to-final resting place.
VII. That would be my mother.
Signed,
Rashunda R. Tramble
31.3.05
Zurich, Switzerland
Comments (7)
Gotta’ write mine now, but it’d never sound as good as yours.
Ya’ might be able to write about the Pope tomorrow.
Ashley
Very nice. I feel u every step of the way on this issue.
Bwahahahahah!
Can I borrow this?
You know, both she and the pope, at least, know what lies in the undiscovered country. That’s all I want in the end.
@Susanne - Sure. You may have to edit the part about your mom having a blond crew cut and wearing a muu-muu.:-)
I think I’ll make my mom get one of each (crew cut and mu-mu) just so I can use your’s verbatim.
This is funny! Thank you so much for a needed laugh! Good thing they didn’t put the Pope on Life Support….
check out my blog, chocolate sweets from the Alps, - i have a sense of humor too!!
;^b